pale blue eyes, cry baby diamonds

dear diary,
let me present you with the short version of
recent happenings, once upon a dream:
welcome to the honeydew, madame dragonfly, the holy sacrifice of your royal highness
come here my unborn child, swallow my hips and f
ollow my rotting soul into the darker waters of
reptile nature. lingering in limbo, the shallow, vulgar and indulgent.
a thousand worlds built on the sleepwalking shoulders of my shotgun lovers,
malovent creatures with chests like diamonds, petals in the rain,
fair with hazy memories, mountain within mountain.

she is dancing in the middle of an empty classroom, sweeping over
demolished parchment with hands like forests, fawning chalk
kissing starving fingertips. the chamber maid with eyes like a serpent
pale wrists orbiting her deceitful head, gloomy hair lightly caressed by the breeze of solitude,
turning to me with sudden fire, exposing fangs dripping with venom, solemnly bidding her hand
wispily whispering

preludum ante massam and hannibal ante portas:
everything i have ever loved was lost and found in abandoned places
cracks in the structure, strikes of light through concrete walls
fundamental truths hidden in forgotten folklore, haunting dreams of ferocious valkyries

i am death, the river styx, the answer to every riddle:
"known by both masculine and feminine names,
and burns up without rain;
originates from a man and goes into a man,
no one has been able to catch it."
neurotoxin flowing over across the page of our past, seeping through thick slices of dust
he’s been half blind since the day it all began, the persistent sun scratching his retina like a broken record,
quivering under the faded persian rug covering the roof of his arabian mother.
skin like a feather, heart like a rock.

curvaceous lips, the undistinguishable shade of your iris,
my shadow carried in a diamond locket in the abyssal nape of your neck.
“i bought you these colourless roses you know how seeing past things can sometimes
make you
feel important i just want you to feel important"
you didn’t let yourself take time, you expanded in the sky until every limb transformed
into haphazard clusters of materia entire galaxies supernovas, since the day you left
i’ve been searching the stars for your voice, gazinh through the strongest of telescopes.

our cries mute and cold, dawning came crashing down upon us like
flying daggers, electrocution.


stalk me.


speed of light in a vacuum, in any given medium

dear diary,
outside my sphere of apache tears
pitch black thunder, a pack of wearwolves wailing to the drum of the glimmering downpour
binocular vision through damp leaves, her majesty of trees:
you. mathew, theo, isabel, the seductive breath of opium.
- but he was never inside of you?
- he has always been inside of me.
for you are the children of lingering nightmares
limerent desires and hummingbirds, missiles of destruction in a crystalline vase.

you, through endless simplification:
a monsoon without mercy, the plunging waterfall of yesterday
gipsy crystals, achromatic prisms, diamonds like eyes, eyes like fire
vive la d├ęcadence. yours truly,
candy darling, creamy summer bloom
a bending reflection, translucent.

how can you cure yourself when every part is infected

name the thing able to heal the hole torn by a loved one lost
he left her hanging by the snowflakes or
standing among
in a flock of sleeping flamingos, a myriad of indistinguishable faces. when i tell you
- my love equals beaks times the thought of freedom squared
you vapourise, turn into the ocean floor, the shattered walls of my castle in the sky
your sharpened hands
charging through secrets like lightning.


rainbow raven, rainbow river

dear diary,
i apologise. i haven’t been able to write for a while, i got
desperate lost control tried to cut myself open with a kitchen knife
just to get an idea of what is moving around inside and
i set my intestines on fire for the ultimate sacrifice.
isn't it striking, how every action is completely symmetrical.

nightfall leaves me craving the most unfathomable things,
pouring rose water over pagan faces simply to keep them in place,
crawling around in my own dirt, creeping at the feet of a sullen master.
i’ve told you once before, your highness, my princess prostitute mankind
upsets me more than anything. so bow, children of the rainbow
the judge is ready for our crucifixion

psychotic schoolgirls licking on fentanyl plasters dried up lollipops
pornographic novels standing in line like kinky toy soldiers

by the windowsill, loudly claiming an entire planet, a realm of their own
the ringleader: oh boy, it's just another one of them stagefrights
glaciated in time right neon lights a momentum made in taiwan
beautiful rows of riches, don't you see there is no war no box, a universe
ever changing i throw myself up. crashing down

i am the rain an exploding ejaculation
crimson skies
internal bleeding heart burn stomach ache a disease that will never go away.
longing for a dismal future any future painting him dancing in the foreground i
would do anything for the saddest mind alive,
our shaved heads like lifeboats white frocks sterile scalpels minimalistic clean
cut veins bursting open like bedroom doors, LE GRAND FINALE,
inject his poison, forever yours.

and i want to download every single picture of you, dress up like a commander
in chief captain of the sea a furious shadow play waggling tail and bunny ears,
i want to cover my body in the blurry edges of your ghost, paint the walls of
the parliament in colour no #1 the slight tint of your neck
someone once told me

you always speak in riddles you are fading away i could never begin to understand
like a frozen fire a room covered in broken mirrors a black hole wishing well
put your ear to my chest listen to a thousand songs the restless chorous
i am not the one wrap your troubles in dreams
take a walk down the baseline
his brittle echo drenched in acid.