lymantria dispar

dear diary, we are the caravan children and i will leave you by nightfall and float through thick shields, veils, membranes of defeat, of resignation, of unsurpassed beauty. we are the caravan children, a mirror cracking from side to side, promises worn like a crown of carnations. 

from dawn to dusk - a creaking carrige past victorian buildings, tall, coarse palaces draped in egyptian finery, moth eaten dresses covering legs and lamp shades, a collection of yellow stamps and faded postcards, violets, pharaohs, a venetian mask in a stranger's window, what does freedom taste like crystal what does it taste like to stay flying?

carried through the hour of the wolf we dream of dahlias - the slow strokes of a paint brush, crude oil, a linen canvas set to flames, distorted faces with serpent eyes lunging from the heat waves. we dream of violets - abandoned soldiers standing in line outside a stranger's apartment, heavy breathing, their smudged reflections in the moonlight, frosted glass, tainted, waiting for their call. what does freedom taste like when it was so reluctantly given? winter apples, warm cider, mud, clay, grime. we dream of peonies, of roses, of a venetian mask weeping shades of purple, soaring high in the sky.

dear diary,
voices, i tune them out, the crowds, the places,
i think of angels and all is silent.


the silver fox, hiding, the amber fox in bins and clouds,
the silver fox pouring down in amber vessels, tranquility.

the weight of an hour

dear diary,

dear morning.

05.30 am it all makes sense, the city lies dead i must be the only one left breathing. 05.40 am ultrarapid, nuclear meltdown, the flutter of wings, cheekbones, concrete, his name the haunting cry of a violin. 05.50 am before the time of the murder (headlines: young boy, 15, dismembered) i thought that i had met the most beautiful man in the world. his slow brushes, silk finger traces, fragile shoulders, fine white charcoal lines. i thought that i had found the most beautiful man in the world, had felt his gentle caresses. beside him, before him, along him, within him, balancing at the tip of youth, swaying at the edge of adulthood, a blunt force, its sharp nature. church bells ringing, chains breaking, before the time of the murder, chronology our only predator. 06.05 am something fictional, the view from down below a photograph of an open window, the cool morning breeze and sheer silk curtains teasingly dancing with every whiff of the wind,

him, too young, a nosebleed, blurred vision, white powder, black horse too young, crimson winter, blood stained snow, ravaging purity me, too old, ancient forests, murky breath, skin like sandalwood too old, lumps of flesh held in fists of iron, a prostitute of a million faces vanilla scented candles, cherry flavoured lingerie, through the socket of his eye, my loaded gun. 06.15 am the haunting cry of a violin, nuclear meltdown, the flutter of wings, cheekbones, concrete. asphalt dripping, boiling, orange men, wax men dripping, boiling, forming thick opaque puddles, orange oceans, deep black oceans slowly expanding, erasing every shadow of the undergrowth, sweet and sticky, the spellbinding smell of tar. 06.20 am a flight of stairs, a pile of empty bottles, smashed up glasses, petals, mindflowers, torn out pages, diaries, dreamers, a scrawny black cat my sole companion. 06.25 am memories carried in my back pocket: letters from the white country. the snow, its tender fall, a grace, your open chest the mountains, your visions wrapped in pearly blankets the glaciers, you, crystallised, you, the sharp, brittle icicles. over the ice glides the powder queen 06.30 am the difference between a promise and a curse an omen and a blessing i must be the only one left breathing.

am limit

dear diary, the city will swallow you. 00:00 am

i am stood here, waiting, the cold wet snow melting dripping by the first hit of skin cold and wet wet and cold, the company of heroin bruised heroines brawling, crawling ripped off beads and derranged deeds under the husky streetlights.

i am stood here, waiting, from inside the club and bursting out of the doors she comes twirling here comes the wind the wind here she comes now the breezing wind with eyes like ping pong balls, with eyes her eyes bouncing off the walls her eyes like plates her eyes like planets her eyes that have always seen too much or never quite enough never enough never enough her voice the one of a crow a mirror cracking from side to side and her eyes darting straight through me to the heroines back and forth through me and the heroines and her pupils the size of the moon and inside this tiny tormented body an entire solar system, all the world's madness enclosed, the madness the madness the madness, through every cell through blood through pores purified spiked up madness madness madness her voice the one of a crow a mirror cracking

from side to side this is nothing like heroin my pupils the size of ping pong balls its brushes of madness the cold wet snow through cloth and bone, the whirlwind my whirlwind with eyes dashing through inner spaces otherworldy places like satellites tiny satelliets the comforts of madness her comforting madness her madness her madness her majesty's raving madness and i am just stood here, forever waiting, amongst

the drugs and the thugs rocking to the beat of the cold wet pavement.