a matter of blank spaces

dear diary,

i collect minimal techno and party invitations.

i wish i could stop talking about sleep but i'm afraid being awake is too daunting

last night i had this dream again. the dream.

a universe of its own, both static and ever changing

me, twirling around like a lost character in a computer game, a lucid marionette

sharks are such beautiful beasts don't you think and this time i must have been riding one

and once again i lost track of the enormous white horses somewhere along the way, 

they are the kindest people you will ever meet,

i was sliding faster and faster around in what could only be described as a massive maze hidden in a giant replica of westminster cathedral,

signs of danger everywhere, a shruken river thames.

have you ever had to witness a bobsleigh competition

faster killershark faster and from time to time i appeared invisible, it was unbelievably calming

grown up children in bright green school uniforms and their animated teachers telling them off "this is the river, do not ever go in", but they couldn't possibly see me

emerald blazers, inhabiting every corner of my mind, until i could see my fingernails again

a naked woman covered in oil, cold water made of sand

the body is such an uninteresting vessle, your genitals are babies unborn.

ideas shining bright in diamond light.

medications, proud caretakers of this hibernating soul.

do not ever go in. i make a living out of kiwi flavoured lemonade, sour breathing, i always smell of alcohol,

you're scented like softcore porn, a flickering candle.

dear diary,

of dreams i remember nothing, the sky is not the limit when the universe is ever expanding

my favorite colour is the rainbow, fire is dripping from the dry corners of your mouth

the sun is a raging waterfall, summer had almost arrived when we went under cover

i was in love with the saddest boy on earth, he said

for all the children lost, i will never stop crying

and where i came from they all spoke of salvation but no one ever made a move and the

boy who wouldn't stop crying didn't have a worry in the world, he always started running

as i began begging for him to see his shadow turning against the tempest and so we stole a boat and sailed through frozen waters, he said my blank eyes, they see nothing without pupils and if we ever have to 

stop, i shall pick you like a flower and dry your petals between worn out bedsheets, remember 

my sodomised virgin mother never broke a single wave and your face will start to rot, 

falling off in heavy chunks, the piercing song of a flightless bird,

baring bones like glaciers in infinite sadness.